In all honesty I wasn’t going to write and post this today, I was in the process of writing another blog article called ‘What Makes Me Proud’ which I’ll now post tomorrow.
I think sentiment has got the better of me today, memories and flashbacks and to post this article today instead of tomorrow seemed more appropriate.
One year ago today, this is where it all started, and friendships really started to form, this was the very first Experience team social meet-up, which were to become a common event throughout the build up towards the first show.
On this particular evening hardly anyone knew each other, the weather was torrential rain, and if I’m perfectly honest, I had doubts about attending even though I had organised it all.
The weather clearly put a lot of volunteers off going, if I wasn’t the organiser, I probably would have gave it a miss too, but if I had I would of missed out on a memorable evening shared with great company.
How is it possible? How can close friendships be formed so quickly, with Kynren everything is possible.
Leading onto the subject matter of this post.
‘All Good Things Must Come To An End’
On Tuesday of this week, with an extremely heavy heart I informed all of my teammates and all of my fellow volunteers, that I would unfortunately be leaving the Kynren project.
No doubt it will have been a shock or surprised some, especially as I’ve gone through the majority of the show team rehearsals this Season 2.
To walk away from this project so close to the start of season 2, and now not experiencing what it would have been like to take part in a debut performance, and the chance to witness one of those truly magical standing ovations.
A decision I haven’t taken lightly, I’ve been weighing this up for weeks, ever since the first weekend of training sessions.
There’s an unanswered question here, “But why?”
And an answer that I wasn’t sure if I should reveal or not, I don’t hide behind it, but I’ve never revealed it within these blog posts, and I was unsure if I should start now.
Kynren for all that it is, and it’s for many things. Things that you may have read in this blog, and others that I’m going to write about to showcase Kynren’s true personality.
And for all the good reasons, the self purpose, the feeling of worth, the achievements, the growth in confidence, the people who are truly everything, who are what Kynren truly is, I had to walk away and put myself first.
It’s been a very emotional week, with what I’m not ashamed to admit too, a lot of tears.
I have thrown myself into this project, for the good of Kynren, the good of our town, for the good of the people, but mainly for the good of myself.
And it pains me to walk away now, knowing the work I’ve done has contributed to the successes of the the show.
I have helped to give Kynren alongside 1000 volunteers, 1000 teammates, but more so 1000 friends, a foundation in which Kynren can grow, a benchmark that Kynren can target and push boundaries, and with that memories that I can look back and treasure forever.
For some, you will already know, for others you won’t, I was diagnosed with depression in November of last year, the last 5/6 months have been extremely tough at times from a personal point of view, and although Kynren has been a saviour at times, truthfully that’s what it comes down to for leaving.
It’s difficult, extremely difficult, and a decision that keeps playing back and forth in my mind, as to have I done the right thing?
It’s an answer I’ll never find without having the courage to walk away from something I’ve fallen in love with.
And it truly breaks my heart in the process too.
Nothing is forever, it may be a break, for however long it takes, to walk away from the project is hard, to walk away from the people, the volunteers, a second family has been so, so tough.
But I’m proud of them all, and they will go into season 2 creating new memories, building on the new history of Bishop Auckland through Kynren, and delighting sell out crowds in the process.
So what’s left to say?
On Friday I finally head down to London to find out if my Kynren Blog has beaten the odds and will be announced as a National winner, at the UK Blog Awards.
Something that I could never of envisioned when starting this blog, win or not, I will be forever thankful to Helen Watson for encouraging me to write this, as it is now a written record of many memories and emotions that can be re-lived in detail for myself and fellow volunteers to be remembered.
As for this blog, it will continue, granted I won’t be involved in detail as I was previously, but there is still so much that is left untold, so many more memories to share.
And so many stories from fellow volunteers to be heard.
Once the awards are over, I’ll be asking for contributions of guest blog posts from fellow Archers that I can share with my blogging community, with my worldwide reading audience.
It was my personal plan to write from the eyes of different teams so everyone could experience this wonderful project from a different perspective, unfortunately I am going to be unable to do that this season, so I hope to hand over to the current Archers and let them describe to you all;
‘What does Kynren mean to them?’
A final note today goes to the many thousands of people who have taken the time to read each article, I really do hope you found them interesting, engaging and have captured your hearts as much as this project has captured mine.
Kynren, thank you for the memories, until the next time.