This blog is written about a personal journey, one that some people relate too, some identify with, and some that I know read and feel inspired by.
A number of articles telling a story all on its own, often not dissimilar to that of young Arther traveling back in time throughout the years of Kynren.
For I, Kynren has shown me things too that I didn’t realise existed.
Kynren has shown me many things within my character, strengthened my good qualities to make them great qualities.
Kynren has put me on a pathway to discover riches far greater than money could ever reward you with.
It’s given me a starting passion, and then on to write, to love, to believe, to look ahead, to dream!
And with that dream big, to challenge myself knowing that anything and every challenge is achievable, because now I have a stronger character, I have spirit and heart, a determination like none other to succeed and succeed as well as can.
And like the title of this entry tells you; ‘The comeback is always stronger than the setback’.
My setback came 2 weeks ago.
It’s not uncommon to know people get nervous through performance.
I certainly do, even as I write this I can see ahead from the experiences I have taken week in week out to know what is ahead of me, another Kynren show.
You would think it would get easier on your nerves the more times you undertake a role, but for me it feels like it gets worse every single time.
How can someone who appears calm and in control go from that moment to standing stage side lining up for their first scene whereby their heart is pounding out of their chests, their anxiety is screaming out at you not to go on, your legs feel like jelly and you could easily be sick at any moment, and then you go and do what we are each trained to do.
There’s an answer somewhere to that question but I can’t answer it, somehow I just do it.
What I will say is my strength comes from those people around me, the choreography teams to the Archers themselves in all teams, my strength comes from those people and my test of character comes from deep within me.
2 weeks ago I probably had my worst show since joining the cast, that show was my 19th public performance.
I came away from that show disappointed and angry with myself.
Nothing too much to the watching eye went wrong, but as performers and that’s what we are each Saturday night, you know within your own personal perspective how it went.
My nerves got the better of me, and all though I recovered, I was still rattled by it.
Small margins between doing something great or just doing something.
For me now, good isn’t enough, my expectations of my own personal performance are high.
And that’s how they should be, I want to learn and keep learning in order to keep gaining knowledge and expertise, by doing so you can get better and improve.
Tonight is my chance is prove to myself that I am capable enough to share a stage with some of the best people you could ever wish to meet.
And when I say stage, I don’t just mean what each visitor sees when they take their seats, the sun goes down and the performance starts.
I mean the Kynren stage from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave.
We are all performers!
We all perform in our chosen tasks to do the best we can in every situation, to be helpful and supportive, to encourage and share strength and resilience with each other.
So right now, just a little after 2pm, and from the comfort of my own bed with the curtains still drawn, I can hear heavy rain pouring down.
Does that faze me?
Not in the slightest…
What does faze me is not being good enough.
Not being able to get a handle on my emotions, despite knowing that past the nerves comes the elation, that we do this! Each of us Archers playing our roles to work hard for each other to make Kynren everything that we once hoped it could be.
Kynren allows you to dream, because Kynren shows you first-hand and in every single moment everything is possible.
Because Kynren is living proof of this!